Things feel hard. I think one of the hardest parts is that I know in my head that they really aren’t. No one in my family is dying (that I know of). All of my children are alive and well. I have a steady job that I love and a best friend who lays down her life for me daily. I have been all over the world and seen Your glory displayed in countless cultures. It appears that I am healthy and I don’t live in a constant state of anxiety about funds.
But still I struggle.
Why do I struggle? I suppose it comes down to two things: a lack of trust and pride. The lack of trust, of course, stems from my pride.
After all this time and all of your faithfulness, I still don’t believe you are going to come through for me. I still fear that you have led me into the wilderness only to kill me. It makes no sense and has never been Your character. You love me. You are the only One that loves me. Everyone else that expresses love for me are merely pale watermarks of Your original love.
Why are you downcast oh my soul? I will put my trust in You. You love me. You are faithful. You are good. You aren’t going to let me down. You aren’t going to leave me. You are my everything.
For You alone I will wait.